Thus, we go….

This evening began our trip to Cedartown, Georgia to prepare for the next Tough Mudder.  Myself, Chris DuBeck, Sasha Pudov and Rick Lyons all jumped into the "Georgia Mud Runner", or just my Chevy truck, and pulled out late in the evening Saturday night.  Sasha has pulled us through the late night hours and DuBeck pulled through the latter.  I just slept in the back seat.  When not sleeping, contemplating…

I must say that this has been I think the most difficult trip for me to prepare for.  With the realization that my family would be staying behind looming over my shoulder all week, I was unable to focus on anything at all!  I have been asking myself why, with only one real answer coming to mind; expectation!.  When I agreed to this Tough Mudder gig, I had in my mind that the family would be with me on the journey, though the reality was that they wouldn't be able to come to every event, I blocked out that truth from my very scrambled mind.  Now the moment has come and it has been really difficult for me!  I miss each of them so much!  Holding my daughter last night as she gently wept, wiping her tears quickly from her eyes in an effort to be strong and just give daddy one more smile, hugging Daniel closely as the realization that I would not be there in the morning became suddenly clear, giving tearful Walter a strong hug imputing the responsibility of being the man of the house and embracing Jacob as he wept in my arms not wanting to say goodbye.  Then to say goodbye to my love, Christine, had torn into my emotions so greatly!  Whoa, I could hardly constrain myself at this point to follow through with this trip.  

Now, I know many would read this and think, hey Walt, it's only a couple weeks (with a hopeful little trip home for the weekend!), but this may be the longest I have been away from my family ever.  And as I said earlier, my expectation was that they would be coming along for the journey.  But, this is what I agreed to, this has now become my responsibility and I need to be focused on this commitment to fulfill my obligation.

This trip has already given me a lot of time to think about things as well.  I see how the Lord has been using this through the last week and continuing to show me one (of many) particular weakness in myself.  I am the type that takes on a new challenge and wants to conquer it!  For instance, Tough Mudder laid on me the task this week of obtaining two cargo nets for the Mystery obstacle.  Well, after some searching, it would have been impossible to purchase and have delivered the nets in time for the event.  So, I took on the challenge to make them myself.  In the midst of packing, spending time with the family, purchasing materials and securing deliveries for the coming week, I decided to make cargo nets in my living room.  And mission completed!  With the help of my children, we were able to make the two nets in time. 

Well, I also noted that in the midst of this, there were many things that suffered in my life to take on this new challenge.  And it is becoming more apparent to me now that many things I think I do, I don't do at all!  I am always chasing the next challenge.  As a father, I want to be there training my children, playing with them, investing time into their lives.  Though, I have all these ideas in my mind to do with each of them, I find that I never really get to the part of doing!  I want to spend time with my older boys explaining the way of life, raising them up to be strong and preparing them to be leaders in their future.  I want to spend time with my daughter, talking, laughing and enjoying her lovely personality.  I want to be on the floor, racing cars around the table and making weird and obnoxious noises with my younger boys.  I want to be training them in music and the trades and how to be a good servant of our Lord and of others.  And I also want to be spending quality time with my wife, loving her, praying with her and enjoying every breathe of this precious life with her.  

I found comfort in the words of Paul the Apostle:

"For what I am doing, I do not understand.  For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.  If then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.  

For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find.  For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.  Now if I do what I will not to do, it is not longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.  I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good.  For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man.  But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.  O wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God- through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin."

I understand that in me dwells nothing good, that is the flesh.  That my strength must come from Him, as I serve and submit to Him, the law of God, in the Spirit.  He will guide and direct every good thing that I desire to do.  I want to be more submitted to His will, I want to be more the person He desires to be- in me!

Much to consider, much to do!